Comedian Herbert Mendo Ssugujja almost earned himself a death-sentence when he convulsed Mzee into a fit of laughter.

Mzee hasn't had such a laugh, at least not in the twenty five years he has been at the throne.

He has faced a rough time, time that has only but robbed him of the precious moment to laugh his lungs out.

The rough time has prompted Mzee, at one time, to admit that he was doing his peasantry voters a "favour" as to rule them. In fact he called it "sacrifice".

In a tone of regret, he said that he would make more money if he were not president.

There was a time he revealed his retirement plan: he is to go into hotel business and real-estate once he leaves power and, perhaps, laugh all throughout his retirement.

But now that he is not into retirement yet (himself not having a clue as when he is to retire), Mzee needs comics who would make him laugh all the while, at least when he is relaxing over a cold glass of "obushera".

Some kings have got such comedians by their side, to warm their hearts and cheer them up even when their spirits are low.

They are called "fools". The "Magulunyondo" has got several around him. They fire him up in times of adversity.

At the height of his bliss on the Congo throne, Chief Wizard Mobutu Sese Seko Kuku Ngibendu Wa'Zabanga would summon a bevy of beautiful female singers and queen dancers at his magnificent villa to jerk him into laughter and pleasure.

Doctors had advised that Mobutu avoids anything that would upset him and in the process raise his blood pressure.

The music goddesses were his life-support until such a time when rebels proved a bitter pill of him.  

Mzee too needs numerous fools round him, the likes of Ssegujja. Apparently Ssegujja has earned himself a job at statehouse and Mzee generously handed him some cool Shs 20 million for wetting his eyes with laughter.

The young man forced bucketfuls of tears of joy from Mzee, at a colorful ceremony to bid farewell to Mzee's strongwoman, Amelia Kyambadde- who's to 'boil up' Mawokota North.

This young man had desired to meet Mzee in flesh but chance had eluded him. He had always "done his thing" in the hope that Mzee would watch him on TV, but wapi!

Mzee doesn't have time for TV or newspapers. The only time he ever reads or watches anything is when he is on his Gulf-stream.

For long Mzee has surrounded himself with blood-suckers and people who have misguided him.

The ones that have bled our economy for all this while, and forced it to its knees. The ones that have amassed such obscene wealth, and seem to wield enormous power and influence.

Most of these blood-suckers are holding Mzee at ransom. They are forcing him to stay on so as to secure their interests.

They are not sure of their safety and the safety of their loot in case Mzee honourably retired.

To bluntly put it, they have given Mzee untold pressure and headache, and robbed him of laughter. For this reason Mzee has deemed it fit to seek solace from comics.

In this case, laughter would be good for our dear Mzee to relieve him of the pressure and ridicule his blood-suckers have caused him.

Mzee's budgetary allocation should be increased one hundredfold to cater for "fools", and I would immediately apply to choke our Mzee with laughter.

I have been waiting for such a moment as when I would tickle Mzee where it tickles the most and serve him his share of laughter.

At least the country is littered with people who would make formidable fools. Take a man like Ssekikubo Theodore who caused drama in Ssembabule NRM elections.

Ssekikubo wailed and wailed until he lay on the grass, after galloping what looked like water.

He is credited for stopping the election process in Ssembabule when it was clear that Uncle Sam was rigging his way to district chairmanship.

Ssekikubo did not waste time as he dashed to carry away all the ballot boxes and poured away some ballots papers.

Methinks this act could provide a very good dose of laughter for Mzee, seeing that the NRM has degenerated into a house of theatrics.

On the other hand, Mzee need not shop around for fools to rapture him into laughter. He could waltz off to a "malwa" palour; (though he doesn't drink alcohol) where peasants would congregate to shrug off their misery by shaking to blares of "Dombolo".

A dombolo jig with peasants, some of whom are jigger-infested, would save him that stress and fatigue that comes by having to "straighten" his blood-suckers.

A peasant-drunkard perfectly knows how to lighten up ones soul. I guarantee a peasant-drunkard would send Mzee laughing his way to good health . Long live Mzee!

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