I hope that Father Lokodo will not think of me as an advocate of immorality, but rather a factual guy who wishes to make sure that we behave even when we do our bad manners!
Friends with benefit is a very old phenomenon, when the Persians used to rule this world, they had a name for it ‘Mutaa’.
Mutaa means a casual arrangement, where two consenting adults who are friends and physically attracted to each other agree to have a sexual relationship BUT with “No-strings attached”.
It meant that, these two have an open relationship where they agree that they can see other people or are attached to other people and the only interest between the consenting two is sex.
So the two will agree to meet and have sex, minus the hassles of dating, jealousy, responsibility, love and all those hassles and formalities formalities that come packaged in a ‘love’ relationship.
Many people are doing this secretly, but like all agreements there are things that one needs to take caution about should one decide to get into such a relationship;-
Don’t dare get into this kind of relationship if you are the jealous type. Before we even proceed, one should know that this is “Sex-with no-strings attached!”. Thus if you are the type that falls in dreamy love with someone because they are great in bed, then ‘Friends with benefits’ is not your field! so please perhaps you should stop here and not go ahead.
Set rules before anything;
The no strings attached is easier said than done; make sure that both of you understand what it takes to give your body to someone and the next thing you know is that they are doing this same thing to some other fellow. Get into this kind of relationship knowing exactly what you want if you think its impossible do no dare.
Its always said that women get more emotionally attached when they play sex than the men, but we also know that men always commit the biggest atrocities when they know their partners are having it with some one else.
When in such a relationship avoid emotions, do not introduce the partner to anybody, this is a secret union and because sex is something private, make sure that no one else knows about it, this is because, the more the relationship is a secret the easier it is to drop someone like a hot potato when the need arises, let everyone around you believe that this is just a friend and nothing more.
Don’t get nosy
One thing about ‘Friends with benefits’ is that they are not supposed to know what the other partner is doing, what else you do it and how you do it is not your partners concern.
It becomes a bit complicated when this kind of arrangement is made with someone who is always hovering over you, do not allow this relationship to degenerate into something personal and try not to pry into your friends’ other lives.
Friends not strangers: Just like the name suggests, never make this arrangement with a total stranger this is because most strangers are capable of doing strange things to you. So for the sake of being safe, make sure that your “Friend of benefits” is someone who you know very well ….a friend!
Consider your ex
The best “Friends with benefits” could be your ex: Many people would not agree with this, but for people who know this game they will tell you that there is no friend like an ex’ especially if you have both moved on and there are no hard feelings left.
This is majorly because you know each other and you can afford to let bygones be bygones. So if you have that ex that you used to enjoy sex with then, you can give them a new title ‘Friend with benefits’.
I have saved the number one rule for last, this is the safety part of the whole relationship. Because this is an activity that is defined by sex and nothing else, it’s very important that you, take precautions and play safe sex.
Also, make sure that the familiarity around your relationship does not make you drop your guard because should this happen there will be too many regrets.
And, lastly on safety…….don’t ever go to places where you wont feel safe!