INSIDE THE BEEHIVE:
As a young man I had a list of qualities of a woman I would wish to marry. Though most of these qualities changed as I grew up, some remained. I may not be alone.
Someone else has also had this list. We always have in mind the picture of the kind of woman or man you would wish to marry. Among such qualities include education level, beauty and others.
Men are quite careful about the financial status of a woman.
Some relationship experts are fast to conclude that where there is love all other things don’t matter. However, this cannot be taken as Biblical truth. The fact is that men and women react to money differently. Yes, they have different scripts and it’s important to talk about it, instead of pretending money is the same for everybody.
After conducting a number of dialogues we are likely to come to the conclusion that richer women cannot always sustain their marriages.
But the trick is simple: If you asked how a woman can get out of poverty, no one would advise that she gets married. You will instead be told that she has to go and work. This means that getting married cannot make you richer but working can. Naturally working gets more credit and the expense of marriage.
Career and rich women will not hesitate to give their work more priority than marriage. That’s why they can quit marriage but concentrate on work. Such women are likely to treasure their jobs and wealth more than marriage.
In such situations the marriages start developing cracks. I don’t intend to mean that poor women can make better marriages because they lack opportunities and can only be faithful dependants to men. They are only likely to give marriage some priority unlike their rich counterparts.
We cannot forget the fact that men also have a role in this. The fact that women richer than their husbands may not sustain a relationship is also accelerated by the insecurity such men have.
Men are built to be superior and in control.
The insecurity sets in when they discover that their wives are richer and likely to be in charge. There is need for men to understand this fact and learn to live with it. When, on earth, will a man learn to succumb?
Society teaches girls to shrink themselves. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise you will threaten the man.’ Because one is a female, she is expected to aspire to marriage.
She is expected to make her life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? Why do we think it is the duty of a woman to sustain a marriage but not the duty of a man?