There is one issue that has always bothered me. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. I have been thinking of reasons why a man would beat up his own wife and vice versa…. I came up with three reasons: one you are a COWARD, two you are a COWARD, three you are a COWARD. This is the most polite way I could put it but yeah you are a coward. A man has no reason whatsoever to beat a woman and vice versa. No justifiable reason!!!
My sister Ninsiima Gloria endured 7 years of an abusive marriage. I watched her being whipped with a belt like a child, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night, I watched her cry. Even as a Man I knew it was wrong. Her high ranking officer husband would close the bedroom door and do what he thought was right, whip her. I would knock and Nabaasa her husband would open the door and tell me off.
After it was all said and done, her siblings and other relatives couldn’t help her just because this man had paid dowry. This was the routine. Beating her every day. He called it discipline. She made mistakes. So what??? Did he not make mistakes too?? Did she whip him?? I imagine a world where we would ‘discipline’ each other after making mistakes. It would be horrific. We all make mistakes.
Why stay in an abusive marriage for 7 years?? Some people often say that it is easy…just get out!! Trust me, I know that some people are glued to an abusive marriage due to compelling reasons. Money and love being some of those reasons.
When I had about Ninsiima’s story, I begged her to get out… start a new life somewhere far from this monster, I came to know the reasons why she stuck in this abusive marriage and I do not blame her. Her only son with this man was still young, when I stood up to him as he was about to whip her and I could not let that happen in my presence. My siblings were scared. I do not blame them. But I was ready to go down with him,” said the brother. It was not pretty. He abused me but I did not care at that moment?? No!! I just wanted to protect my sister. He did not hit her. He never hit her in my presence.
I had not achieved my goal yet because whenever I went back to school, he would be at it again. My mom once told my sister,’Grace, when you are dating or courting, do not ignore the red flags. If a man does not respect you or has anger issues, GET OUT BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!’ To be honest, Gloria had seen the red flags when they were dating. She got out but Nabaasa apologized with teary eyes in the presence of her extended family.
They all believed him. Oh well, it seems they all fell into his trap. The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it must be based upon the self-protective capability of the victim. Until the victim has developed a detailed and realistic contingency plan and has demonstrated her ability to carry it out, she remains in danger of repeated abuse.
This gentleman went ahead and threatened to harm any of Gloria’s friends or relatives that will shelter her, anyway anything is possible the guy has influence poor Gloria’s mother was always teary wondering where to hide her daughter and or to return the dowry to save her daughter from this abusive marriage.
For those who say it is a tradition or custom to beat up a woman, that is nonsense!!! I still maintain it is a cowardly act.
Are you dating or courting and that man does not respect you, he will not start respecting you during marriage. Does he have anger issues. control issues?? They will still be there during the marriage if he does not seek medical help. Are you in an abusive marriage and you have no idea where to start from when you get out?? Let that not block you from your own happiness. Get out and realize your potential.
Last year we heard of the story of a woman, a lawyer, who was shot dead by her husband. Yes, her husband who is currently in remand facing murder charges. Another man killed his wife and then committed suicide after a domestic brawl. Nabaasa would threaten Gloria and we knew that if we do not help, she would end up in a coffin. Who would want it to come to this?? Nobody. Just GET OUT.
I did not say it will be easy. It will be rough. I can assure you of this.
Gloria is currently in hiding. It is not easy. It is a battle! Literally and metaphorically!! But in the end, we are all contented. We know that she is safe.
Domestic violence includes emotional abuse too. If you are cautious of what to say to your partner, your opinions are rarely validated, if you are afraid of discussing your problems with your partner… you are being emotionally abused.
There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they have tried and found no one who cares. As long as we remain silent about domestic violence, the cycle of domestic violence will not break.
It is my duty to help you! It is your duty to help me! I know one thing for sure, If you survived the violence, you will also survive the recovery.