The feeling of being in love is most times hard to understand because it is hard to know if it is genuine love that you feel or infatuation. You start to feel things that you have never felt before and probably your actions towards that particular individual tend to differ. You badly want to be around them. You like hanging out with them because they make you feel like you can be yourself.
I obsessively checked my phone every second hoping that I got a message from him, and when I did, everything he said mattered. I always wanted to make sure that my phone was on, well charged, and that the signal was fine. I had to make sure he was able to reach me. If I found my phone off, I literally lost my breath. My whole body trembled. What if he tried to call and he couldn’t reach me? That moment would be a nightmare. How can the “love of my life” fail to reach me?”
Everything around me reminded me of him: the songs I listened to, a perfume of someone one passing by, the movies I watched. At times I picked up the phone to let him know I was watching something he liked. His eagerness to listen to everything that I had to say amidst his busy day made life worth living. “Oh my God he feels the same way I do!” I constantly whispered to myself.
The love that I felt for him made me do things that I even didn’t know I could. If he mentioned he wasn’t alright no matter the time of the night I would make sure I am right there next to him. Getting hurt along the way would be the last thing on my mind – after all I was making sacrifices for someone that meant the whole world to me. I did not care what the world or anyone around me thought as long as he was well and happy. That’s all that mattered, as Monica’s lyrics go: “I will cross the ocean for you” I surely could do anything in the name of love.
Every time I were around people, even if it wasn’t part of the conversation, I found myself constantly talking about him. I didn’t even at times realize it wasn’t of people’s interest, I just talked. I wanted people to understand how deeply I felt about him.
Discussing love and talking about love was my kind of thing because then, I felt like I could relate with whatever everyone in my shoes felt. I read or rather re read his messages every now and then. They felt knew to my eyes. I smiled and in my mind, I could see him tell me those words… They felt so real. I believed him. I trusted him. I was in love with him.
Every time I spent with him was everything. I could do it over and over again. I would skip any appointment, very important or not, I just wanted to be with him because after all that is all that mattered.
I could clearly see our future together. He was supposed to be the father to my kids. We even came up with names for our future kids. I didn’t ever see myself with someone else but him. I treasured every minute I had with him. I utilized them to the maximum because it always felt like I could never get them again. I loved it.
I was always curious to know his whereabouts or anything concerning him. If I just heard someone say anything about him, I would want to know what it was they were saying. I wanted to know who called him. His relationship with his family was a big deal to me.
Was it a good or bad kind of relationship? If it was bad who was at fault? It wasn’t like I didn’t trust him. I just wanted him happy and his relationship with people was of great interest to me because then it could somehow affect his happiness and “our” happiness.
He a times drove me crazy but I still put myself together. He would get to my last nerves but the love I had for him over powered that. He is only human after all, I would convince myself.
The things women go through when they are in love can best be understood by women!