I have a problem, with my wife when it comes to sex, every time we want to have sex she has to go through this formality of going to shower for 30minutes, apply perfume and set music in the room to be perfect. She even doesn't want to change her ways for a day.

This, I have come to resent because it kills my sexualapetite, however I don't know how to tell her, please help!

Ssengo D
Kampala

One thing that women should understand is that the need for spontaneous sex is ingrained in almost all men, that is why they want to sometimes have quickies and all weird one minute sex; Another thing women should know is that rituals in sex can invite boredom in their sex love, and to mostly men it's a total turn-off.

There are many reasons why men dread the formalities and prepared sex, some of them are;

1. When women prepare for sex as a major undertaking, it makes sex a project and puts performance pressure on men, men hate performance pressure-they already feel pressured to perform twenty-four hours a day.

By the time you get out of the bathroom, or finish decorating the room, he feels as if the spotlight has shifted onto him and he must live up to your anticipation.

2. Men feel controlled when sex always has to be on your terms. Look at it from his point of view.

Your partner is turned on and wants to make love to you. You agree, and disappear into the bathroom for twenty minutes, making him wait. How does he feel? Controlled! And guess what? He's right! It's as if you're saying "I'll make love to you, but only if these conditions are met...."

3. When a woman never allows herself to have spontaneous sex, her partner concludes that she must not like sex very much since she can exert so much self-control. He feels she must sanitize, idealize, and romanticize it in order to even enjoy.

All these are some of the reasons why sex sometimes turns into a routine and thus boring. blog comments powered by Disqus

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