I had flown back home from this republic of S A preferring to watch the unfolding of the World Cup with my buddies and also cut costs but by the time you read this, I will have returned to Jo'burg.

You see Maneno has summoned me via an e-mail saying money is not a problem with him and that he wants me at his side to record a few of his frolicks.

Maneno can sometimes be a wonder. Put him in an environment and he will study it, find a way of exploiting it to his benefit and, many a time, go away laughing to his bank.

This is what he has done with the world cup event. Like he always tells me, wherever big numbers of people gather like in our kikuubo and Owino market, if you cared to bother, you will always find a way of making money there.

Maneno says that it's a natural law that wherever there is a crowd, people must eat, drink, go for both short and long calls, eat ekikomando, yoghurt or ice cream, have sex and or go to sleep or merely spoil bedsheets. "You just choose an area among the above and you can churn piles of cash out of it," he once told me.

Sounds good an advice. For instance if some chaps are convinced they can't stay awake without sexing themselves, fine for them. So you build obufunda, bu loogi and corridors which become real dark at night; the latter to accommodate fellas who are in a hurry and have no time to go to a room, pay something, undress and set fire to themselves.

This class of people would want their midsections to ravish each other while standing, bending (the kabuzi way) but without having to undress. Okay, we are giving no lessons here!

This is what Maneno has come up with and which has made him mint real Obama dollars thereby bringing 'a change we can believe in.' While in a bar, he got some loaded female zungu and told her a tale your father must have told your mother resulting in your being a living thing disturbing us here.

Okay, Maneno went a step ahead and, with the help of the wonders wine was doing to the woman's brain, told her that though she was in her late 40s and might think she had seen it all, he knew of tactics that could make her enjoy sexual bliss to the extent she would think she is no longer on this earth.

He also convinced her that the experience could make her wish she didn't come back to mother earth.


Trust women to be swayed by things that appear a mystery to them. Nedda ssebo, it's not only Ugandan girls and women who get carried away by a tide of such things.

Women everywhere are and so did this zungu one claiming she originated from the dazzling city of Paris. One thing led to another and looking at Maneno with glassy eyes,  she bet 1,000 dollars and Maneno, certain he had an upper hand over her, told her he would give her double that amount of money because mbu a short while back, he had inherited mega bucks from a dead uncle.

The woman also said she was stinking rich and gave no damn parting with a mere 1,000 dollars as long as Maneno could prove what he was claiming capable of doing.

While they were talking at a table they were seated at, Maneno had embarked on an exercise sliding his hand inside the lady's dress and touching her in those areas which no woman can remain the same if you took interest in them.

Those of you who have followed this piece for some time must know what we are talking about. Well, true to character, the woman started going jelly, her age not withstanding and Maneno took her to his hotel and gave her love made in Uganda.

In a long distance telephone conversation Maneno has had with me about the incident, he travelled to western Uganda and borrowed there the dexterity of kuchapa akacapizo, did it onto this ignorant zungu and you could see the woman's body vibrating and jerking in unexplainable modes you would think she was a recent candidate of epilepsy.

Shooting several jets of hot love juices in their first round of encounter of one hour, mbu the kkkd woman (kkazi, kkulu, kkadde, ddungi) swore Maneno was mazzi mawanvu and she even learnt a few luganda words enabling her to shout out 'mawe!' in true sexamazement and disbelief at what Maneno was doing to her body.

The following morning, between her and Maneno, they have introduced on the scene and so far won over 20 candidates who are willing and ready to pay bucks to enjoy the uncommon style of sexperience.

This is one of the reasons Maneno has summoned me because he knows I  know the kadodi style which, when added to the western jazz one, we have a package of 'love made in Uganda' which we are going to advertise and sell to the ignorant peoples of the world gathered here.

But don't tell this to madam Kagina because that woman has a nose for smelling nooks for tax collection. Me, am no miser, so, am inviting any of you fellow Ugandans with names from Aziz Azion or Atukunda to Ziritwawula that if you know of any uncommon style which we can market to dazzle the thighlands of these loaded people here, mujje tukole cash!

This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it blog comments powered by Disqus

< Prev		Next >