By Kim Kajumba

Recently, a local tabloid wrote something about a one Judith’'s husband. Apparently, this muzungu guy is living a double life, meaning that he has two families and they don't know each other (wives and children).

This mega rich guy runs the families concurrently one is here in Uganda and the other is in Kenya. If this is just an anecdote or a fact, I have no idea. What I know is that many people have lives that are totally unknown to their partners.

Some people are so good at this that the truth only surfaces when something terrible happens to them; when they are either hospitalized or when they die. It's then that the two families come to know about each other.

Psychologists tell us that in such cases, the double-faced person finds himself/herself in a situation where they are torn between two partners and they can't let go of any of them!

Ironically, both such relationships tend to be built on a foundation of falsehoods and deceit. Studies have shown that usually, either of the couple is duped into believing that they are the only spouse in the relationship.

 This usually begins as a joke but eventually, the double-faced person ends up seemingly having perfected his act. But like all plans laid on falsehood, there is always a loophole that can one day lay bare the lies of such a partner which is when the cheated spouse discovers that their partner is living a double life; here are some tips to guide unveil this deceit;-

Secrecy

The one common thing with a cheating partner is being secretive. Now the question is: do you really know your partner? If it takes you more than three seconds to answer this, then think again. If there are things that you keep discovering about your partner which he/she would prefer to keep from you, then you have cause to be wary. In such circumstances, don't be surprised if there are more shocking things that may come out in time.
Solution

It's never too late to start uncovering things. Take your time and consider the efforts you are about to embark on as a "refresher" course on knowing your partner. Start from the beginning if you have any doubts about his/her ways and dig for everything. Visit his/her family and friends and enemies (if you know any). If you are new partners, emphasise on openness and do your homework properly. It's far better to be cautious at the beginning than to be sorry later.

Unaccounted chunk of time

One thing that nature gave us equally is time;  rich people and the poor alike have 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week and 30 days in a month. This also applies to a cheating person and a faithful one.

All of us have equal time to do whatsoever we want and here is where the double lifers have problems. This is because at the beginning you had all the time by yourselves but when a complicated third party (there is a difference between a cheating partner and one who lives a double life) enters the time circle, your partner is unable to explain that big space of time which is always coated with  trivial  and sometimes even big lies.
Solution

Cross check if the patterns of the times match and do something about it. For example, if he/she is always not around during weekends, come the next weekend, check out on the time and place that he claims to be even if it needs you to go up country where he claims to always go!

Money

This is a trap that unfortunately only works for a partner who knows the amount one earns and the bad thing is that it only affects the middle class or the poor. This is because people are known to live within certain means.

 So, if you work for say a salary, an additional relationship or marriage will definitely make a big dent in your financial spending, meaning that your living standards is likely to take a nose dive. Unfortunately, if your partner is a rich fellow, you might require to use some of the money she/he gives you to hire a private investigator for you to catch him/her.

Mysterious pals and occasions
    
Have you ever been in a situation where your partner suddenly has new friends and acquaintances? Friends whose names you suddenly learn for the first time though you may have stayed together for quite some time? Or has your partner started going to occasions to which somehow you are forbidden to accompany him/her? And then you come to know of them either when it's going on ('I am on a wedding') or you hear of them at the last minute.

 These are signs that there is another social life your partner is living and you are a "persona non grata" there. Always check your partner for  strange routines (sexual too). New looks (perfume, clothes) and most importantly your instincts, if you have that feeling deep inside your self that tells you something is not right, then most probably there is something very wrong.

N.B with the rise in crimes of passion (acid attacks etc) and AIDS getting protective of your partner or trying to find things about them is not only about being jealous; nowadays it's a matter of life and death.

The fact is that most of the times its men that are guilty of living a double life. So, unless one belongs to a religion or culture that allows a man to have two or more wives, then know (sister) that you are in big trouble. This is because you may find yourself one day being called a mistress even after living together with your man for decades and thus you will be rendered "not recognized by law".

 

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